As I complete my meditation in the early hours of this Thursday the 19th morning, I feel compelled to capture some lessons dropped into my awareness through A Course In Miracles teachings into my journal:
“Divinity has made me like Itself, and has given me Its power to create like Itself”.
So why am I using Divine Power to create the stress and madness that is my life?
Why am I using this Power to create and sustain what I do not want?
“Divinity will never choose against me”, but I choose against myself over and over again, swiftly delivering myself into the imprisonment of strive and disappointment, anger and lack.
I have to find another way, a way that reminds me that I am co-creator and eternal in God, right now.
I have to find a way that reminds me that even as I misuse my Divine Power in rampant self defeat and sabotage, that I can forgive myself and choose again with Divine Guidance, and create peace and prosperity.
This I Will today.
I give thanks to Divinity for choosing me always, and for waiting patiently even as I dodge and hide from It. I accept Your Love, and welcome Its soothing balm to heal me; Its song to gently caress me to awakening to the memory of You.
As I complete my journaling, I sense that I was being watched. With unusual unconcern, my eyes saunter outside through the open balcony door, to meet a faint but certain rainbow riding a grey cloud, staring straight at me from across the lake. I am slightly startled by the gaze as my mind struggles to make sense of how a rainbow could possibly be painted perfectly in the Northern sky like this, with the light of the hidden morning sun shyly shining from the East? The angle is wrong. It does not make any sense…
I reach for my spectacles from the top of my bedside pedestal to ascertain this vision, nearly knocking over the ‘in-case-of-a-nighttime load-shedding episode’ unlit candle in my haste. My breath quickens ever so slightly as I snap the glasses open with some impatience. I raise them up to meet my face, adjust the horn-brown arms behind my ears, and push the bridge connecting the lenses together into position on top of my nose with my right middle finger. I then settle forward to behold Her.
Catching my bespectacled eye, She boldly intensifies her mesmeric colours, challenging me to dare doubt my seeing her.
I stare, my mouth falling agape as I take Her in. Oh yes, I see you.
I do see You. A rainbow is always a surprise; an astonishing vision of a miracle, signifying the play between light and dark, those companions in duality.
This morning it is my messenger.
My fear. My doubt. My self sabotage. My impatience. My disappointment. My Darkness. My experience of Lack. My failed trials. My Doubt!
I surrender all these, and place them upon Your Altar as my offering. These are my treasures that I have created carefully over many lifetimes. They have exhausted their usefulness to me, and fail to serve me any longer. I surrender them to You, and choose to welcome instead Your Divine Light to lighten my load.
Love. Faith. Trust. Endurance. Delight in all that shows up. Light. Utter abundant living. Welcoming of every trial and knowing it is all here to serve me. Surrendering to Your eternal Love.
I will this. This my prayer today.
She listens intently, and without interruption, gathers my intention into her bosom, and promises to deliver my message. When She is done, She shakes off her painted robe, and slips away as unspectacularly as She had appeared, dissolving swiftly into her Cumulonimbus Chariot. This interaction barely lasted a minute.
Messengers are everywhere and appear to all of us all the time.
I want to be present to all the Messengers that are sent to me, and courageously welcome their gifts.
May I learn to be patient and discerning, and understand their messages with clarity and wisdom.
May what I treasure be not the ephemeral of the world, but the True Gifts from God, and may I understand precisely what this means.
May I recognise the beauty that surrounds me always, and perhaps also the beauty that is in me, and that is me.
May I find and follow my True North.
May the only longing I have be the one that is already quenched eternally.
May I too agree to being a messenger, and deliver what you and I need to hear.
Above all else, May I finally awaken to my memory of God, in God.