My would be lover comes to me in a dream. I don’t recognise him, but the dark recesses of my soul know him. They knew he would come, and so welcome him quietly.
When he sees me he gathers me into his arms, lifts me up and walks about with my hands around his neck. He leans in to kiss me, pulls back for breath and asks me: “what do you need, to live in this world, this modern world”?
I too catch my breath, smile into his youthful eyes, mischievous, flippant really, ready to offer a disposable response. He, already knowing me, stops me mid thought and cautions: “I don’t want a pop song response. Nor a romance film answer please”.
I withdraw my gaze, dropping my focus within, to meet Their disapproving glare. I rearrange my sense, look back into his eyes, and tell him:
I need meaning… I need authenticity…
I soon wake up from the dream reciting a list of my needs, but remain in that in-between liminal space of not asleep but not quite awake either, and continue adding to it…
… i need vulnerability and authenticity.
I need long deep silences
…and raucous laughter,
I need earnest companionship with myself.
I need to be me, and for you, to be fully you.
I need to stop being afraid, and be audacious.
I need to hold my tongue…
I need to speak up and out and loud!
I need to yield, and hold my ground.
I need to smile with my eyes, and unburden you of my issues.
I need to explore the far reaches of my capacity, and stretch and be stretched till I fill them fully with me.
I need to move, and dance and leap and gyrate to the certain beat of my heart drum.
I need to experience my own Wholeness.
I need to honour all my losses, and release them to the wind…
I need to forgive… So much I need to forgive.
I need to make peace with disappointment, flaws, scars, aches, sadness, rage, heaviness, my body.
I need to welcome disappointment, flaws, scars, aches, sadness, rage, heaviness, my body, me.
I need truth that is True, and only True.
I need to be more kind, more understanding, more patient, more trusting.
I need to listen, but more importantly I need to hear.
i need you, and us. I need connection with All There Is.
I need to know that I am Love, and live my life as Unconditional Love, no matter what.
I have all that I need, and need none of what I have. For this, I am deeply grateful.
I am Whole.
Nothing in this world, including me, is real.
I surrender to Divine Guidance as She leads me back Home.
Only That, God is Real, and It is all I seek.
This entry introduces my reflections on my Yoga Teacher Training journey in December in India. Stay tuned for that post please.
Ka Lerato 🙏🏾